"Was it something that I said? Was it something that I did? 'Coz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful..."

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nahubog man gud si ante...

"ingna ko kung asa ang sakit ba para makabalo ko..."

amfota! what?? i did what???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so last satuday was another round of drinking and smoking and talking and all that shit. ofcourse it was mikmik's birthday so there were more people and more drinking as expected. :)

anyway, everyone's there including him. it was cool at first since everything had a bitchin' time and i was sitting really really far from him because i was sitting beside sagal's dad (o db, level nko pantiguwang na??hehehe) anyway, all of a sudden sagal's dad told me "gnaha pa gud nxa cge tutok sa imu george..." so i laughed. although i know that i saw him look at me in my peripheral view but having him noticed it was like, ahh, hmmm, awkward i guess? so, to spare myself from doom, i just told him, "ilusyon mo lang ang lahat angkol..."

then it rained. so everyone transferred inside the tent where the the family car was parked. at first, HE and I were sitting together. then mitch told him, "wuie, tapad man lageh mo..." then he said, "ngano man diay? magbuot diay ka?" afterwards, myra segue-d, "unya napansin nako na pareho naay bungo inyung t-shirt..." but before i could utter a word, he said again..."nagtext-text man gud mi..nagsabot ba!" okay, i died right then and there! but wait, there's more!!

since more drinks were coming and i guess everyone was on the brink of getting drunk - or so i thought, we played the drinking game, "kantahon ta karon..." so he was the one holding the guitar and leading the game and all. and then after a few rounds of laughter and drinking, he suddenly sang, "kantahon ta karon, ngalan sa mga uyab... ang ako kay si george," then before it sank in, everyone was laughing, screaming and bantering. everyone got shocked. even i got shocked. unsa daw??then, myra said, "uyab ba ha! dili ex..."

okay, so let's fast forward a little bit. so he was i guess taking care of me when i got tipsy and all. anyway, when i went to the bathroom for another round of puking, he came in with me and said those immortal words that you can read above.

so grabe ang pagtagad ni kuya uy! makaulaw ba... then everything went blank.

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poetic tragedy - the used

"a singer, a writer. he's not dreaming now of going nowhere. he gave heed to nothing. and all that he was is a tragedy."

i was killing time tonight in youtube while waiting for my next class which is like 30 minutes from now. anyway, i bumped into this song and i was reminded of you.

we've been friends for quite a while and with those few moments, i have learned and understood your ways. you're just one of us - ang extrovert na introvert. you're very reserved, very conservative and how should i put it? hmmm, harsh, i suppose?

you're opinions matter to me - that even though everybody said that the other is to blame for the mishaps that happened in the past, when you said i am to blame, i believe it.

i remember the time when people asked who cares for you the most, i was about to say I but then everyone said in unison that in my heart, you would only come as second best - but if you only knew, you are the first. i care for you so much - more than you could imagine. but it's not something romantic really...it was more of like a family.

and when i found out about the time when you were experiencing BULOY because of the things you did for us and for others - i was worried. i don't know why. maybe because i was too affected with the song especially the part where he said akala ko pa naman ay marunong kang magdala, nalaman ko nalang na ikaw'y nagpakamatay na... plus the drafts. all the thank you's and the sorry's that you have said, it was too surreal. really horrifying. i got too paranoid that i reached the point of asking the neighbor's help to check you out. what's funny is that whenever i pass by the house, i try to peep in, in case you know - a lot of people are already gathered.

a lot of people are actually asking me why i always put up a fight for you but i can't seem to find the right words to say. perhaps, all i know is that i care for you so much that i am willing to fight everybody off. char. dli btaw, i just know you're different. people may have misunderstood yet i understand you perfectly. and i will never leave. i swear.

"he feels alone. his heart in his hands, he's alone. he feels alone. i feel"

and by the time comes that you have become sober and have cleared things up with everyone, i will be standing on a stage and open a bottle of champagne for you. you know i will. you know i can. :)

"... then on that last day he breaks, and he stood tall. then he yelled and he yelled..."

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concubine

so there - i just copied the title from a youngblood article but i'm not really saying that i am the other woman - or maybe, once upon a first sem time i have become one, unconsciously. hehehe

but what's really bothering me is that, is it possible for someone to make agaw the friends? i mean, do you really have to own your friends - like lock them up to your own little world so as not to be seen and not to be contaminated by other people? okay, i sound like a hypocrite i know because i am the most possessive primate in history, in case you don't know - i have the tendency to get really,really,really jealous. but i'm a little open now and i am giving more freedom to my friends since i have come to realize that kung friends jud mo, no matter what happens - miski makapatay pa ka ug tao pramis friends jud mo! which means, it doesn't really matter where you are or what you do - as long as you believe in your hearts that you are friends - you need not to worry. you don't even need to have constant communication. i mean, ofcourse communication is important - but people like me doesn't really need that. just like what maan said, kami ang extrovert na introvert.

at wala akong inaagaw! dahil kung gugustuhin ko lang - MATAGAL KO NG GINAWA!




side note: possessive nga eh, panu ako mang-aagaw??tsk3. ur so boloks :P

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The Return

"minsan, may mga tao talagang bumabalik mula sa mga nakaraang hindi maipaliwanag ng maayos na kung pwede ay kalimutan na lang. kaya lang, may mga pagkakataon talaga na hindi maiiwasan lalo na kung isa lang ang circle of friends nyo..."

actually, this post is long overdue. i should've written this last week, but since i don't really have time and since jeje has been using her laptop all the time, i have decided that i should just write this when she is sleeping already - just like now :)

anyway, last jan.3 was some sort of welcome party by the team basak for everyone who just came back from a not - so - long christmas vacation. we drank, got drunk, smoked a lot, sang, danced a little and talked shit. but the highlight of the event was the comeback of someone whom i wasn't expecting to see.

it was weird to meet him after a very long time - the last time i saw him was actually last christmas party which feels like some jurassic years ago. it was awkward, really and i guess everyone felt the uneasiness that i felt. thanks to sagal, who eventually sat beside me and to all the people who texted me that night or else i'm doomed. mikmik was even telling me to act normal. why? was i acting strange? it was really, really,really awkward but i'm pretty sure i acted normally. but i guess my actions and reactions betrayed me again.

good thing i managed to survive the whole night of having him around - because i usually don't. it was a little difficult though to act as if we were never introduced since everyone in team basak knows.and i guess they noticed too that i was really having a hard time that night.

but giving him a ride home was another story - which felt really absurd since he talked to me. I REPEAT: HE TALKED TO ME! as if nothing happened. making me wrap my arm around him was the most painful part. i really hate it when he makes me feel that he still owns me - because he still does. but slapping it to my face? i mean, why do you have to come back? i was doing oh so well - i wasn't even expecting you anymore. i'm not waiting anymore! don't you get it? i'm almost fine!

and now, i'm back to square one.

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