I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now—if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it—I would be able to look back on those few short ...months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way. [Bella Swan]

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on shating, sober minds and chikka

i got drunk. thanks mik!

so i have been trying my very best to keep my mouth shut about the things that are happening this past few weeks and of course during the silent times, i have also come to realize that it's time to let go - maybe it's not really worth fighting for. but i would be a hypocrite if i say that i don't think of HIM because i still do - during my idle moments which ATTACKS really really often.

so tonight's topic were about the past heartaches and i am very proud to say that everyone has their own story to tell - that even though i have heard those stories a million times, i still find myself really amazed that we all share the same sentiments - we are in desperate need for someone to love us and their will always be regrets in all the unwise decisions that we have made in the past.

but what really bugged me tonight was when mikmik told me that HE still loves me. i mean, what the fuck is that?? do i really have to hear it now or do you want me to cry right now?? so he kept on defending HIS side until i said, "KABALO MAN KO MIK BA NA DAGHAN XA INSECURITIES. AMINADO KO NA DLI XA ANG LALAKI NA PWEDE MAN GANI MAPAILA-ILA SA PARENTS, PERO NADAWAT MAN NAKO XA DIBA? SUGOD PA LANG MIK...SUKAD SA SUGOD PA LANG...PERO KABALO KA MIK, KUNG GUSTO JUD KO NIA? AS IN GUSTO JUD?? DLI KO NIA BULAGAN..."

so there i said it. he fell silent. JL agreed (i soo love him). i still love HIM. i still do - but there are things that you have to give up to save yourself and to save your heart from dying one more time. but i'm okay now. i really am. i can smile now. i may not be happy but i'm okay.

just so you know.

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a night of youtube watching

punyetang rarejob yan! (sorry for the language).

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. actually i don't really have the right to complain or even to let out some very harsh words 'coz it's all my fault why i'm suffering from this 208 punishment - but i can't help it.

anyway, as to kill the boredom and to somehow pacify my anger, i decided to just watch youtube videos - starting from meg and dia to blink 182 to listening to OSTs of slam dunk and chekyuu sentai - fiveman (yes that's right - that 90s power ranger-ish show), then eventually submitting myself to watching a few episodes (spell loser).

i've also read very controversial stat messages and even managed to find out some very nasty removing of posts in facebook. tried all the applications and even checking my friendster accounts - twice. now define bored.

anyway, the reason why i made this youtube such a big deal is because i have heard just this afternoon that song called DI KO NA MABABAWI by Spongecola. i love that song soooooooooo much and not to mention that i' m a big fan as well as a die hard admirer of yael yuzon (blush). however, i haven't really searched for the lyrics of the song yet because i was so confident that i am very familiar of the song already. but i don't know what really got into me that i still searched the lyrics despite the "familiarity." at dahil isa akong malaking gaga at boba. nakarelate ang lola. o heto na:



Ngayo'y aking inuunawang pilit
Mga pagkukulang kong iyong ginigiit
Sana'y malaman mo na tanging ikaw lamang
Ang aking iniintindi

Nakatanim pa sa'king ala-ala
Pangako mong mananatili ka
Kaya't paglisan mo'y naiwan ang pusong ito
Na ngayo'y bitin na bitin

Chorus:

'Di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa?

Nasa aking guniguni malamig mong tinig
Kasabay ng hanging na dumarampi
Na para bang ika'y nariyan sa aking paligid
Tahimik na nagmamasid

*Repeat Chorus

Nahulog na'ng mga ulap, buwan at araw, mga bituwin
Ang ginugol na panaho'y na saan? (panaho'y na saan)
'Di ba't sayang naman? (Di ba't sayang naman)
Giliw yeah yeah yeah yeah

Ngunit di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa?
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa?


PS: oki ah! tapos xaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! punyeta!

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...but i didn't let go without struggle

just one of those things

so here it goes.

i have always liked meg and dia songs, thanks to mitch by the way for introducing me to this duo. anyway, other personal favorites would include setting up sunday, cardigan weather, roses and a few others. it actually reminds me of the infamous "drinking" (define poser) days in zozobrado and meeting the so-called mintal friends which happens to be somewhat dear to my heart.

anyway (eyes rolling), i first heard this song when DEE sang it in DATCOM - yes, you've read that right.. DEE. the very controversial DEE. but it's not really the reason why i posted this song here - it's her words that really caught me, "para sa mga tao na nakaka-experience ng unrequited love, just one of those things - meg and dia." TING!TING!TING! that really struck me. unrequited love pala ha...ma-search nga. and so i saved the title in my outbox in case i forget the song.

so i was browsing my cellphone out of boredom after i think a week? and i found the saved item. i decided to search for the song - you know, give it a try (yah right). then poooooooof! i found the song with lyrics and imagine how teary-eyed i was when i heard it - that fucking (forgive the language) lyrics ruined it - but you know i didn't let go without struggle,you know i still love you. it's just, just one of those things (define emo).

aaaaaaaaaaah! basta... gwapo ang kanta. kewl xa. kewl ko. meg and dia rocks. bow.

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