on shating, sober minds and chikka

i got drunk. thanks mik!

so i have been trying my very best to keep my mouth shut about the things that are happening this past few weeks and of course during the silent times, i have also come to realize that it's time to let go - maybe it's not really worth fighting for. but i would be a hypocrite if i say that i don't think of HIM because i still do - during my idle moments which ATTACKS really really often.

so tonight's topic were about the past heartaches and i am very proud to say that everyone has their own story to tell - that even though i have heard those stories a million times, i still find myself really amazed that we all share the same sentiments - we are in desperate need for someone to love us and their will always be regrets in all the unwise decisions that we have made in the past.

but what really bugged me tonight was when mikmik told me that HE still loves me. i mean, what the fuck is that?? do i really have to hear it now or do you want me to cry right now?? so he kept on defending HIS side until i said, "KABALO MAN KO MIK BA NA DAGHAN XA INSECURITIES. AMINADO KO NA DLI XA ANG LALAKI NA PWEDE MAN GANI MAPAILA-ILA SA PARENTS, PERO NADAWAT MAN NAKO XA DIBA? SUGOD PA LANG MIK...SUKAD SA SUGOD PA LANG...PERO KABALO KA MIK, KUNG GUSTO JUD KO NIA? AS IN GUSTO JUD?? DLI KO NIA BULAGAN..."

so there i said it. he fell silent. JL agreed (i soo love him). i still love HIM. i still do - but there are things that you have to give up to save yourself and to save your heart from dying one more time. but i'm okay now. i really am. i can smile now. i may not be happy but i'm okay.

just so you know.